Sunday, 7 March 2021


What do I owe you
My heart, my soul
Thieving bastard you are
Hiding in the dark
Moving things quietly
Tiptoeing, unseen by me
But, oh, I see you
I can feel your arms caressing me
I shiver in pain, You smile
Fear creeps in, You laugh
A light in the dark, Your face changes
A hand through the tunnel, You flee

Saturday, 26 October 2019

Beside Me

Will you stand beside me
As I pass into the void, the light
Into an unknown, where fear may strike me
Into the unknown, where I may take flight

As I take my last breath
And my eyes flutter
Will you stand beside me
Holding my hand, not crying

For, my love, to watch your eyes
Well up with tears, overflowing
As I pass into the realm alone
May be the worst parting gift I could ever receive

- Sachin 

Tuesday, 15 October 2019

Child to Adult

Loneliness is my fort
Echoing my voice
Amongst the stone walls
The ebb of humans walking around the fort
Hear do I, ignoring the sound
The noise gets to my nerves
The speech to my mind
Laughter echoing in the chamber
Fading into the dark
Pictures on the wall
Thousands, changing by the day
Friends out without me
Relegating me to bystander
Thorn after thorn in my crown
Thorn after thorn in my heart
Change I do look forward to
A smile, some work, keeping busy too
Worry and sorrow far away then
Surrounded by colleagues, the fort disappears

Saturday, 13 October 2018


He cupped her face in his hands, ever so tender, caressing her soft cheeks with his thumb. 
Her eyes, wet from the sobbing, pleaded With him. 
Her beautiful lips,slightly parted, her nostrils flaring with every breath she took. Her eyes, roaming his face, trying to find a glimpse of human in it. 
'Don't go...' She whispered, her eyes begging, her voice so soft, it could not be heard over his breathing. 
'Stay... Please',she pleaded, her bosom raising with each breath she took. 
She saw his eyes softening, a look of wonder flashing across his face, a reaction so minute, had she not been so close,she may have missed it. 
And as a falcon diving in for a fish, he kissed her, his hands caressing her back,his tongue rough in her mouth. Their passion overflowing, their breath ragged, their hands all over each other. 
They were lost in lust, in the heat of the moment. 

But before that,they were lost in love. 

- Sachin

Saturday, 6 October 2018

The Call

I wasn't surprised to hear the phone ring. 
But I was surprised to see the name that popped up on the screen. 
He hadn't called... not since.. well. 

I took the call. 

'Hey', a tired voice breathed from the other end. 

'Hey... how are you?'

'I'm... I'm ok.' 

'You sure?'


The answer made me curious. I had never heard him speak in such assertive tones before. 

'So... what happened?'

'Well... I recently had a few tests done. I had a pretty nasty bout of fever and...'


'Well a few of the results seem to have shocked my doctor. I'd like for you to take a look.'

'Yeah sure. Anytime.'

'I'll Whatsapp it over.'

'I did not realize that you were so...conscious about your health.'

'Well someone has to... and it's not like anyone's there to... you know...after what happened...'

I could hear his voice breaking, trailing off. 

'How's the business?', I asked, changing the topic quickly. 

Bad topic, I thought, a few minutes late. 

'Much better. I got what I wished for. And I hate it here now.'

Now I couldn't say I sympathized with him regarding this. That was the extent of the issues he had created. But... he was my brother. And a pained one at that.

'Listen...I'll call you la...' 
I didn't let him complete,cutting in. 

'Hold up. You listen to me. Stop this lone man act.'

'What? Why? I'm perfectly comfortable the way I am now.'

'No you are not. The man I knew, the brother I grew up with, he would have cracked ten lame jokes in these few minutes we got.'

'Don't get worked up man. This is... this is the new me. The old me is gone.'

'No! I refuse to accept that. I know you're in there. I know that...'  I trailed off, my voice thick from all the emotion running through me. I was holding back tears.  

'We both lost parents in that accident. Not only me. So for them at least, don't be like this.'

'It wasn't your fault'
His voice was so low, I almost didn't hear him say it. 

'What?', I asked, surprised. 

'It wasn't your fault that they died.'

'And it was yours?', I asked.


'In what way? You're just blaming yourself for things that isn't even true.'

'I know it. It was all that I said... my actions. It drove them over the edge.'

'It did not man.'

'It did. I was a failure. I still am. Just that no ones around to judge me, correct me. I have no social life. My friends left me. My wife is distant and cheating on me with someone whom I called my best friend.' He paused to take a breath. 

And I took the opportunity. 
'That is not your fault. None of those are. A car came and hit theirs. They did not drive into it. And You.Are.Not.A.Failure. Look at you running the businesses successfully. Your friends were all the friend versions of gold diggers. Papa and Mummy did warn you earlier. And your wife. Bah. I warned you that she was the wrong choice for you. But you were adamant. Now stop moping around, get off your ass and grow the empire. It's what Papa and Mummy would have wanted you to do. I know it, even our sister knows it.'

He was silent. 


'I'm here.'


'Thank you. I needed that. I've sent the report. I'll call soon.'

And that was the last I heard of him for a few weeks. 

The next time, he did not call. He came in his car. He brought our sister along. And we went to our favorite fast food burger place. 

'I'm divorcing her' he told in my ear, out of earshot of her. 

I just smiled at him. 

'You were right. I was wrong. God that eats me up from the insides'
And I watched as a genuine laugh formed at his mouth. So, I joined in. So did she. 

He was happy. And by extension, so was I. And we all were, at that moment. 

Now if only they were here to see it. 


Monday, 4 December 2017


I didn’t think this day would come.

I finally gathered the courage to catch his hand.

He flung me away like a cow, a fly.

I landed hard.
I crash landed hard.

I felt things inside me. My back hurt.  I was in pain.

And then I saw him raise his hand at my mother again.

And suddenly, the pain vanished.

Something else filled instead. It was boiling. It was spewing. It scalded my skin. It boiled my head.

It tore open my throat.

I screamed.
I jumped.

He looked at me, incredulous.

Shock was replaced with mirth.
His eyes laughed at me.

I bit his leg.
Now it was his turn to scream.

I felt metal in my mouth. I felt liquid in my mouth. I felt flesh in my mouth.

He fell back.

I jumped up, wiping the blood with my hand.

I saw that he was trying to get up.
I took the lamp nearby and hit him.
It was heavy.
I dropped it on him.

He fell down in a pool of blood.

My mother came at me, screaming.

‘Get out!’ She screamed. ‘Run for your life!’

She took some money and gave it to me.

‘Go, Son. My beautiful Kanna. Save yourself from this hell. ‘

With that, she pushed me into the street.

I ran, till I could no more. I did not look back. I ran. Just ran. Forward and forward.
The blood flew down. It stained my back. It fell into my knickers. And down my leg.

And I ran. And kept on running. Until I fell down somewhere.

I opened my eyes to see angels around me. They walked around hurried. They looked angry. But one smiled at me.

‘You’ll be fine’ she said, caressing my forehead.
Like mother used to.

I looked around.

Beds near me. People in that. People walking around them. Cries. Laughter. People chewing.

Was I at a hospital?

Sunday, 3 December 2017


'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.'

The words were scribbled on the wall. Amongst other inspirational quotes.
I smiled at it.

Always the optimist, the idiot.

I move along, as silent as I can.

The dog looks up at me, his intelligent eyes locating mine.
He puts his head back down, dismissing me as a non-threat. He has seen me before here.

My dress make a swish swish noise as I walk.

He chooses to ignore it, turning his head away.

I'm not impressed.
Aren't dogs supposed to protect their owners?

I should do something about that. 

The sunlight is filtering through the curtained window.

It's pretty late in the day, why hasn't he woken up? I wonder.

Then I remember he liked to sleep in. Like a lot. A lot.

I can see him sleeping on the sofa. The TV is on, playing some sort of movie.
I look at it.
It has women with no clothes on. They seem to be in pain. They're screaming.
I remember that pain. I remember screaming.

I make way to the sofa. 
He's covered up, snoring.
His legs can be seen outside the covers.

I take the knife, stabbing through the covers where his eye would be.

He sits up, bellowing.

I remove the knife and keep on stabbing.
I move along his body and finally I think I've hit where it counts. He is thrashing blindly. One hand hits my chest. I fall down.
He falls down, dead.

I remove the covers.
His eye is bloody. So is his body.

I remove the cover from his body.

He is naked underneath.

I find the instrument he used inside me. It has something white covering around it. It's dry, yet wet. I think it's the same thing he made me eat. I take a lick.
Yes. It's the same.

I take the knife and chop it off, slicing through it slowly.

I find the dog looking up at me. He is curious, I can see.

I feed him a small portion of the meat. Maybe he will keep some part of the body for others to find.

As I walk out, I look at the mirror on the wall.
Blood is on my hand and my knife.
My beautiful pink frock also has blood on it.
The dress is still big for me.
Mother had bought it for me last year. Before she died. I was young then.

I look at the quote again.
I climb up using a chair.

I write below it,
'Until it does.'

I'm happy, but I'm young no more.
He made sure I am not.

As I wash my hands in his sink, I remember to put out a bowl for him.

He'll be thirsty after the meal.