Child to Adult

Loneliness is my fort
Echoing my voice
Amongst the stone walls
The ebb of humans walking around the fort
Hear do I, ignoring the sound
The noise gets to my nerves
The speech to my mind
Laughter echoing in the chamber
Fading into the dark
Pictures on the wall
Thousands, changing by the day
Friends out without me
Relegating me to bystander
Thorn after thorn in my crown
Thorn after thorn in my heart
Change I do look forward to
A smile, some work, keeping busy too
Worry and sorrow far away then
Surrounded by colleagues, the fort disappears

Love

He cupped her face in his hands, ever so tender, caressing her soft cheeks with his thumb. 

Her eyes, wet from the sobbing, pleaded With him. 

Her beautiful lips,slightly parted, her nostrils flaring with every breath she took. Her eyes, roaming his face, trying to find a glimpse of human in it. 

'Don't go...' She whispered, her eyes begging, her voice so soft, it could not be heard over his breathing. 

'Stay... Please',she pleaded, her bosom raising with each breath she took. 

She saw his eyes softening, a look of wonder flashing across his face, a reaction so minute, had she not been so close,she may have missed it. 

And as a falcon diving in for a fish, he kissed her, his hands caressing her back,his tongue rough in her mouth. Their passion overflowing, their breath ragged, their hands all over each other. 

They were lost in lust, in the heat of the moment. 

But before that,they were lost in love. 

- Sachin

Dusk

I didn’t think this day would come.

I finally gathered the courage to catch his hand.

He flung me away like a cow, a fly.

I landed hard.
I crash landed hard.

I felt things inside me. My back hurt.  I was in pain.

And then I saw him raise his hand at my mother again.

And suddenly, the pain vanished.

Something else filled instead. It was boiling. It was spewing. It scalded my skin. It boiled my head.

It tore open my throat.

I screamed.
I jumped.

He looked at me, incredulous.

Shock was replaced with mirth.
His eyes laughed at me.

I bit his leg.
Now it was his turn to scream.

I felt metal in my mouth. I felt liquid in my mouth. I felt flesh in my mouth.

He fell back.

I jumped up, wiping the blood with my hand.

I saw that he was trying to get up.
I took the lamp nearby and hit him.
It was heavy.
I dropped it on him.

He fell down in a pool of blood.

My mother came at me, screaming.

‘Get out!’ She screamed. ‘Run for your life!’

She took some money and gave it to me.

‘Go, Son. My beautiful Kanna. Save yourself from this hell. ‘

With that, she pushed me into the street.

I ran, till I could no more. I did not look back. I ran. Just ran. Forward and forward.
The blood flew down. It stained my back. It fell into my knickers. And down my leg.

And I ran. And kept on running. Until I fell down somewhere.

I opened my eyes to see angels around me. They walked around hurried. They looked angry. But one smiled at me.

‘You’ll be fine’ she said, caressing my forehead.
Like mother used to.

I looked around.

Beds near me. People in that. People walking around them. Cries. Laughter. People chewing.

Was I at a hospital?

Sunshine

'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.'

The words were scribbled on the wall. Amongst other inspirational quotes.
I smiled at it.

Always the optimist, the idiot.

I move along, as silent as I can.

The dog looks up at me, his intelligent eyes locating mine.
He puts his head back down, dismissing me as a non-threat. He has seen me before here.

My dress make a swish swish noise as I walk.

He chooses to ignore it, turning his head away.

I'm not impressed.
Aren't dogs supposed to protect their owners?

I should do something about that. 

The sunlight is filtering through the curtained window.

It's pretty late in the day, why hasn't he woken up? I wonder.

Then I remember he liked to sleep in. Like a lot. A lot.

I can see him sleeping on the sofa. The TV is on, playing some sort of movie.
I look at it.
It has women with no clothes on. They seem to be in pain. They're screaming.
I remember that pain. I remember screaming.

I make way to the sofa. 
He's covered up, snoring.
His legs can be seen outside the covers.

I take the knife, stabbing through the covers where his eye would be.

He sits up, bellowing.

I remove the knife and keep on stabbing.
I move along his body and finally I think I've hit where it counts. He is thrashing blindly. One hand hits my chest. I fall down.
He falls down, dead.

I remove the covers.
His eye is bloody. So is his body.

I remove the cover from his body.

He is naked underneath.

I find the instrument he used inside me. It has something white covering around it. It's dry, yet wet. I think it's the same thing he made me eat. I take a lick.
Yes. It's the same.

I take the knife and chop it off, slicing through it slowly.

I find the dog looking up at me. He is curious, I can see.

I feed him a small portion of the meat. Maybe he will keep some part of the body for others to find.

As I walk out, I look at the mirror on the wall.
Blood is on my hand and my knife.
My beautiful pink frock also has blood on it.
The dress is still big for me.
Mother had bought it for me last year. Before she died. I was young then.

I look at the quote again.
I climb up using a chair.

I write below it,
'Until it does.'

I'm happy, but I'm young no more.
He made sure I am not.

As I wash my hands in his sink, I remember to put out a bowl for him.

He'll be thirsty after the meal.

Shadow

I stay in the shadows as he brings his latest conquest into the bedroom.

Unknown to him, I am invisible to most. A shadow on the massive world. Nothing but an unmoving silhouette.

I watch as he moves his body in rhythm with hers. I can figure her on her fours, him standing like a punished school boy, behind her, moving back and forth.
They are making sounds. The moaning makes me sick. The stench is ever worse.
Not to mention the sounds of body on body.

Human physiology never ceases to amaze me.

It slowly dawns on me that someday I too shall participate in such rituals of human courtship.
But not before I complete the tasks at hand. Or maybe even in between.

Of late, I’ve noticed changes in My body.
The physicality is wondrous. Hair in parts that I do not particularly like, nor the...

Breaking my thoughts, I hear him let out a loud moan. I am shaken for a minute. I see him slump over the woman. I fear, he has died.

Then I see him straighten up as the woman lies onto the bed.

They are exhausted.

The covers are drawn over their partially naked bodies.

I see him throw a used condom on the floor. It makes a wet noise as it hits the floor.

I move slightly. And then I notice a bump in my pants. I have an erection.

I do not have time to ponder this as I hear snores from him.
The woman too, seems to have fallen asleep.

I move cautiously, drawing the mask over my mouth and nose.

I tip toe, as to not make noise. And I am very careful so that I do not stamp on the condom.

I slowly reach him, snoring peacefully.

His face is calm, but beneath that calm exterior lies a cruel, cruel man.

I slowly unsheath my knife, marveling at the way it catches the light.

I plant a kiss on his forehead but before he could open his eyes, I slice his throat.

His eyes are open now. His hands are moving frantically. He is drowning in his own blood.
The noises are unbearable.
He does not recognize who I am. I thought he should.

I wipe away my kiss from his forehead.
I remove my mask, so that I am the last person he sees.

My gloved hand shows him a middle finger salute.

My precious father. I wanted something special for him.
But, maybe, he doesn’t deserve more than this.

Curious, I go over to see what the woman is doing.
I remember to put up my mask.

I can see her trembling with fear. Her eyes are darting here and there.

‘You haven’t seen anything babe. You were sleeping. And that is that.’

She nodded.

‘Oh also, you look real good.’

She looked surprised. And confused. Maybe a little angry as well? I couldn't tell.

I walked out, triumphant. Elated. Horny as well.

But that was one less evil in my life.

I had many more to go before I was free.

Maybe, this was my curse. Mine and mine only 

Tears

Wave after wave of powerful emotions hit me. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak.
All I could do was let the tears roll out.

I had just walked on to my wife cheating on me. They still hadn't noticed me, enthralled in their moment of passion.
There was this dude balls deep in her, facing away from me.
I could see her back arched, enjoying the moment. Her shapely ass hitting back at his muscular body, his hands occasionally slapping her ass.

He bend over to grab her boobs and that's when she said, let's change position.

Extracting themselves, they noticed me standing at the door.
She probably didn't see what I was holding in my hand during her frantic rush to grab on to the blanket.
He dived under the bed, presumably for his jeans or shirt. He didn't come back up from there, hiding his shame.


She was shocked. Words failed her. But I had recorded everything, or atleast the parts I had seen, in my phone. His primal grunts, her sensual moaning, him calling her name and she his... and as the final nail in the coffin... their faces.


I didn't say anything to her. She must have thought that I would want to talk about this to her.
But all I said was,'My lawyer shall contact you. You may leave this home, or you may not. But that man cannot stay here.'

He left in a hurry. She didn't.

I stayed over at a hotel nearby. She stayed at the house.

The next day, I went to my friend. He was a lawyer. He could help me out.


He asked for me to have a consulting session with a marriage counselor.

She had agreed apparently.
And I didn't say anything against it.


All the procedures followed.

Months later, I had my divorce.

And I watched in tears as the woman whom I had loved with all my heart walked away from me. She had broken it into tiny tiny pieces, but even then, when I saw her walking away... it made me cry again.


'Pussy' I scolded myself. I walked back to my car, ready for a new life, in a new city.