Hidden

What do I owe you
My heart, my soul
Thieving bastard you are
Hiding in the dark
Moving things quietly
Tiptoeing, unseen by me
But, oh, I see you
I can feel your arms caressing me
I shiver in pain, You smile
Fear creeps in, You laugh
A light in the dark, Your face changes
A hand through the tunnel, You flee

Beside Me

Will you stand beside me
As I pass into the void, the light
Into an unknown, where fear may strike me
Into the unknown, where I may take flight

As I take my last breath
And my eyes flutter
Will you stand beside me
Holding my hand, not crying

For, my love, to watch your eyes
Well up with tears, overflowing
As I pass into the realm alone
May be the worst parting gift I could ever receive

- Sachin 

@poemsbynath

Child to Adult

Loneliness is my fort
Echoing my voice
Amongst the stone walls
The ebb of humans walking around the fort
Hear do I, ignoring the sound
The noise gets to my nerves
The speech to my mind
Laughter echoing in the chamber
Fading into the dark
Pictures on the wall
Thousands, changing by the day
Friends out without me
Relegating me to bystander
Thorn after thorn in my crown
Thorn after thorn in my heart
Change I do look forward to
A smile, some work, keeping busy too
Worry and sorrow far away then
Surrounded by colleagues, the fort disappears

Love

He cupped her face in his hands, ever so tender, caressing her soft cheeks with his thumb. 

Her eyes, wet from the sobbing, pleaded With him. 

Her beautiful lips,slightly parted, her nostrils flaring with every breath she took. Her eyes, roaming his face, trying to find a glimpse of human in it. 

'Don't go...' She whispered, her eyes begging, her voice so soft, it could not be heard over his breathing. 

'Stay... Please',she pleaded, her bosom raising with each breath she took. 

She saw his eyes softening, a look of wonder flashing across his face, a reaction so minute, had she not been so close,she may have missed it. 

And as a falcon diving in for a fish, he kissed her, his hands caressing her back,his tongue rough in her mouth. Their passion overflowing, their breath ragged, their hands all over each other. 

They were lost in lust, in the heat of the moment. 

But before that,they were lost in love. 

- Sachin

The Call

I wasn't surprised to hear the phone ring. 

But I was surprised to see the name that popped up on the screen. 

He hadn't called... not since.. well. 

I took the call. 

'Hey', a tired voice breathed from the other end. 

'Hey... how are you?'

'I'm... I'm ok.' 

'You sure?'

'No.' 

The answer made me curious. I had never heard him speak in such assertive tones before. 

'So... what happened?'

'Well... I recently had a few tests done. I had a pretty nasty bout of fever and...'

'And?'

'Well a few of the results seem to have shocked my doctor. I'd like for you to take a look.'

'Yeah sure. Anytime.'

'I'll Whatsapp it over.'

'I did not realize that you were so...conscious about your health.'

'Well someone has to... and it's not like anyone's there to... you know...after what happened...'

I could hear his voice breaking, trailing off. 

'How's the business?', I asked, changing the topic quickly. 

Bad topic, I thought, a few minutes late. 

'Much better. I got what I wished for. And I hate it here now.'

Now I couldn't say I sympathized with him regarding this. That was the extent of the issues he had created. But... he was my brother. And a pained one at that.

'Listen...I'll call you la...' 

I didn't let him complete,cutting in. 

'Hold up. You listen to me. Stop this lone man act.'

'What? Why? I'm perfectly comfortable the way I am now.'

'No you are not. The man I knew, the brother I grew up with, he would have cracked ten lame jokes in these few minutes we got.'

'Don't get worked up man. This is... this is the new me. The old me is gone.'

'No! I refuse to accept that. I know you're in there. I know that...'  I trailed off, my voice thick from all the emotion running through me. I was holding back tears.  

'We both lost parents in that accident. Not only me. So for them at least, don't be like this.'

'It wasn't your fault'

His voice was so low, I almost didn't hear him say it. 

'What?', I asked, surprised. 

'It wasn't your fault that they died.'

'And it was yours?', I asked.

'Yes.'

'In what way? You're just blaming yourself for things that isn't even true.'

'I know it. It was all that I said... my words...my actions. It drove them over the edge.'

'It did not man.'

'It did. I was a failure. I still am. Just that no ones around to judge me, correct me. I have no social life. My friends left me. My wife is distant and cheating on me with someone whom I called my best friend.' He paused to take a breath. 

And I took the opportunity. 

'That is not your fault. None of those are. A car came and hit theirs. They did not drive into it. And You.Are.Not.A.Failure. Look at you running the businesses successfully. Your friends were all the friend versions of gold diggers. Papa and Mummy did warn you earlier. And your wife. Bah. I warned you that she was the wrong choice for you. But you were adamant. Now stop moping around, get off your ass and grow the empire. It's what Papa and Mummy would have wanted you to do. I know it, even our sister knows it.'

He was silent. 

'Bro?'

'I'm here.'

'And?'

'Thank you. I needed that. I've sent the report. I'll call soon.'

And that was the last I heard of him for a few weeks. 

The next time, he did not call. He came in his car. He brought our sister along. And we went to our favorite fast food burger place. 

'I'm divorcing her' he told in my ear, out of earshot of her. 

I just smiled at him. 

'You were right. I was wrong. God that eats me up from the insides'

And I watched as a genuine laugh formed at his mouth. So, I joined in. So did she. 

He was happy. And by extension, so was I. And we all were, at that moment. 

Now if only they were here to see it. 

x

Dusk

I didn’t think this day would come.

I finally gathered the courage to catch his hand.

He flung me away like a cow, a fly.

I landed hard.
I crash landed hard.

I felt things inside me. My back hurt.  I was in pain.

And then I saw him raise his hand at my mother again.

And suddenly, the pain vanished.

Something else filled instead. It was boiling. It was spewing. It scalded my skin. It boiled my head.

It tore open my throat.

I screamed.
I jumped.

He looked at me, incredulous.

Shock was replaced with mirth.
His eyes laughed at me.

I bit his leg.
Now it was his turn to scream.

I felt metal in my mouth. I felt liquid in my mouth. I felt flesh in my mouth.

He fell back.

I jumped up, wiping the blood with my hand.

I saw that he was trying to get up.
I took the lamp nearby and hit him.
It was heavy.
I dropped it on him.

He fell down in a pool of blood.

My mother came at me, screaming.

‘Get out!’ She screamed. ‘Run for your life!’

She took some money and gave it to me.

‘Go, Son. My beautiful Kanna. Save yourself from this hell. ‘

With that, she pushed me into the street.

I ran, till I could no more. I did not look back. I ran. Just ran. Forward and forward.
The blood flew down. It stained my back. It fell into my knickers. And down my leg.

And I ran. And kept on running. Until I fell down somewhere.

I opened my eyes to see angels around me. They walked around hurried. They looked angry. But one smiled at me.

‘You’ll be fine’ she said, caressing my forehead.
Like mother used to.

I looked around.

Beds near me. People in that. People walking around them. Cries. Laughter. People chewing.

Was I at a hospital?

Sunshine

'What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger.'

The words were scribbled on the wall. Amongst other inspirational quotes.
I smiled at it.

Always the optimist, the idiot.

I move along, as silent as I can.

The dog looks up at me, his intelligent eyes locating mine.
He puts his head back down, dismissing me as a non-threat. He has seen me before here.

My dress make a swish swish noise as I walk.

He chooses to ignore it, turning his head away.

I'm not impressed.
Aren't dogs supposed to protect their owners?

I should do something about that. 

The sunlight is filtering through the curtained window.

It's pretty late in the day, why hasn't he woken up? I wonder.

Then I remember he liked to sleep in. Like a lot. A lot.

I can see him sleeping on the sofa. The TV is on, playing some sort of movie.
I look at it.
It has women with no clothes on. They seem to be in pain. They're screaming.
I remember that pain. I remember screaming.

I make way to the sofa. 
He's covered up, snoring.
His legs can be seen outside the covers.

I take the knife, stabbing through the covers where his eye would be.

He sits up, bellowing.

I remove the knife and keep on stabbing.
I move along his body and finally I think I've hit where it counts. He is thrashing blindly. One hand hits my chest. I fall down.
He falls down, dead.

I remove the covers.
His eye is bloody. So is his body.

I remove the cover from his body.

He is naked underneath.

I find the instrument he used inside me. It has something white covering around it. It's dry, yet wet. I think it's the same thing he made me eat. I take a lick.
Yes. It's the same.

I take the knife and chop it off, slicing through it slowly.

I find the dog looking up at me. He is curious, I can see.

I feed him a small portion of the meat. Maybe he will keep some part of the body for others to find.

As I walk out, I look at the mirror on the wall.
Blood is on my hand and my knife.
My beautiful pink frock also has blood on it.
The dress is still big for me.
Mother had bought it for me last year. Before she died. I was young then.

I look at the quote again.
I climb up using a chair.

I write below it,
'Until it does.'

I'm happy, but I'm young no more.
He made sure I am not.

As I wash my hands in his sink, I remember to put out a bowl for him.

He'll be thirsty after the meal.

Shadow

I stay in the shadows as he brings his latest conquest into the bedroom.

Unknown to him, I am invisible to most. A shadow on the massive world. Nothing but an unmoving silhouette.

I watch as he moves his body in rhythm with hers. I can figure her on her fours, him standing like a punished school boy, behind her, moving back and forth.
They are making sounds. The moaning makes me sick. The stench is ever worse.
Not to mention the sounds of body on body.

Human physiology never ceases to amaze me.

It slowly dawns on me that someday I too shall participate in such rituals of human courtship.
But not before I complete the tasks at hand. Or maybe even in between.

Of late, I’ve noticed changes in My body.
The physicality is wondrous. Hair in parts that I do not particularly like, nor the...

Breaking my thoughts, I hear him let out a loud moan. I am shaken for a minute. I see him slump over the woman. I fear, he has died.

Then I see him straighten up as the woman lies onto the bed.

They are exhausted.

The covers are drawn over their partially naked bodies.

I see him throw a used condom on the floor. It makes a wet noise as it hits the floor.

I move slightly. And then I notice a bump in my pants. I have an erection.

I do not have time to ponder this as I hear snores from him.
The woman too, seems to have fallen asleep.

I move cautiously, drawing the mask over my mouth and nose.

I tip toe, as to not make noise. And I am very careful so that I do not stamp on the condom.

I slowly reach him, snoring peacefully.

His face is calm, but beneath that calm exterior lies a cruel, cruel man.

I slowly unsheath my knife, marveling at the way it catches the light.

I plant a kiss on his forehead but before he could open his eyes, I slice his throat.

His eyes are open now. His hands are moving frantically. He is drowning in his own blood.
The noises are unbearable.
He does not recognize who I am. I thought he should.

I wipe away my kiss from his forehead.
I remove my mask, so that I am the last person he sees.

My gloved hand shows him a middle finger salute.

My precious father. I wanted something special for him.
But, maybe, he doesn’t deserve more than this.

Curious, I go over to see what the woman is doing.
I remember to put up my mask.

I can see her trembling with fear. Her eyes are darting here and there.

‘You haven’t seen anything babe. You were sleeping. And that is that.’

She nodded.

‘Oh also, you look real good.’

She looked surprised. And confused. Maybe a little angry as well? I couldn't tell.

I walked out, triumphant. Elated. Horny as well.

But that was one less evil in my life.

I had many more to go before I was free.

Maybe, this was my curse. Mine and mine only 

My Fearsome Father

Cry he doesn't, in pain

His eyes may smile, not his teeth in vain 

At the hands of the doctor his eyes may show fear

In front of me he doesn't show it, my dear 

With a cold, he shivers, clutches his shoulders 

Smile nonetheless, he does 

In the heat he walks, without an umbrella nor a cap

Makes sure I, sport an umbrella and a cap 

At the hands of a doctor he's a child 

Discipline he does, me, always like a child 

In front of others he's calm and quiet 

Yet they fear his tongues might 

Uncut and unpolished like a diamond in the rough 

Such shine, even for such a rough diamond


- Sachin 

Prove

They thought I didn't notice the whispers. And the sniggers.

I pretended to not notice. But each whisper ate into my brain. Each snigger tore into my heart. And each glance filled with hate tore into my soul. 

Yet, I continued to walk on. It's not as if I could do something to change it. I was just as helpless as them to do anything about it. 

It's just that They didn't know. 

Afterall, they did not understand who I was. Or what I am. 

I cursed myself. Never my parents. But myself. 

I had lost faith in the power above. I had long lost faith in human beings. 

But I did place faith in a few people, after all, what dork wouldn't have a few dorky friends? 

And as I walked towards the cafeteria, all I wanted to do was turn around and flick everyone off. I wanted to scream out at the top of my lungs, to prove to them that I was stronger than they thought I was. 

I wanted to prove to them that if they faced what I faced on a daily basis, they would want to kill themselves. A friend had. 

I wanted to prove, that I was just as filled with emotion as anyone else. 

I wanted to prove that just because I identified as gay, I wouldn't hit on you. And I wanted to prove that just because I was gay, I wouldn't rape your boyfriends. 

And I wanted to prove that being gay doesn't mean that you can cut me out of society. 

I wanted to prove that I was a human being, before anything else. 

The chance always eluded me. Poor, old me. Poor, old Sam. 

And now as I lie here, the blood flowing from my wrist and the pills eating me away from inside, I finally felt I didn't have anything to prove. 

Tomorrow, I wouldn't be judged. Tomorrow, I won't have anything to prove. 

Tomorrow, my parents would be beyond grief. 

Tomorrow, my friends would be crying. 

Tomorrow, he... 

Tomorrow... 

Fin. 

The Search

Years of searching had finally gotten him here. 

At the place he had begun at. 

At the place, he wished he would not end up at. 

He walked up to the door, pushing it with his hand, knowing well enough that it would be unlocked. 

But to his shock and dismay, he found it to hold steady under his force. 

A woman walking out to clear her garbage, saw him standing, pushing the door of her neighbors house. 

'Who are you?' She shouted from afar, walking closer to him. 

'I... I... I'm an old friend of hers' he replied,stammeeing, his mind just as shocked at his heart over the blatant lie.

'Aah... so you didn't hear' she said, her face dropping. 

His breath caught at his throat, his heart raced. He feared the worst and if then, he knew he could do nothing. 

'She left us a while back... left her home to her son' she said. 

A tear rolled down his cheek, followed by many more. His heart didn't give out, but he hoped it would. His mind cried out in sorrow, his mouth doing the same. His screams echoed throughout the street, the same way hers had that night he left. 

Fate had played a cruel trick on them. The Gods had taken revenge on him. 

Alone,in the world. Forever, to find himself again. 

Friend

When the heart does beat 

For one or none, it's no small feat

Hiding away myself, oh my dear

Out of nothing but for fear

Of what may be or what may not 

A night or day, my eyes bloodshot 

Far or near, the distance so clear

The pain nothing but a removable smear 

A journey in love, afar, begun in pain 

Temporary, a hope, forever, never a gain 

Hope, renewed, a star born new

A friend like you, oh, so few 

- Sachin 

Pain

To live in the world is to pain

To pain in the world is to love

To bring life into the world she pains 

From that life our heart feels pain

For sorrow and joy sees no 'morrow

The present is all it sees 

Such a fickle companion these feelings 

Seen an instant, vanishes the next 

The marks forever remain so 

Until the wave of joy washes over 

Only to resurface again 

At the hands of the ones we love, we pain again

- Sachin Nath

The Sea

The waves touch my feet
Yet the feelings touch my heart
The sand sticks to my feet
Yet the memories stick to my mind
The sounds reaches my ears
Yet the pain reaches my body
The view falls on my eyes
Yet the vision never falls from my soul

- Sachin Nath

The Glass Slipper

Loneliness... it got to him.
Even though he said it did not matter, how much ever he tried to convince his mind otherwise, he knew it did.
His parents worried, his friends worried. His sisters worried. And he did not show to the world, his worries.

He put up a brave face. Tormented by the prospect of will it screw me up or will it not.
He knew many beautiful girls. But he was afraid to ask them out. He knew it might end in disaster. But it might not.

Every single step in life mattered. And he did Not have a significant other.
It made him furious. He knew he would be good at this stuff.
But he had no one to prove it with.

So he spent his time between the gym,his home and work. He became fit with each passing day. His work skills improved. And he tried not to lose hope.

One day, his Cinderella in The Pumpkin Chariot would ride up.
All he had to do was wait for her glass slipper to fall off and into his hands.

Tears

Wave after wave of powerful emotions hit me. I couldn't move. I couldn't breathe. I couldn't speak.
All I could do was let the tears roll out.

I had just walked on to my wife cheating on me. They still hadn't noticed me, enthralled in their moment of passion.
There was this dude balls deep in her, facing away from me.
I could see her back arched, enjoying the moment. Her shapely ass hitting back at his muscular body, his hands occasionally slapping her ass.

He bend over to grab her boobs and that's when she said, let's change position.

Extracting themselves, they noticed me standing at the door.
She probably didn't see what I was holding in my hand during her frantic rush to grab on to the blanket.
He dived under the bed, presumably for his jeans or shirt. He didn't come back up from there, hiding his shame.


She was shocked. Words failed her. But I had recorded everything, or atleast the parts I had seen, in my phone. His primal grunts, her sensual moaning, him calling her name and she his... and as the final nail in the coffin... their faces.


I didn't say anything to her. She must have thought that I would want to talk about this to her.
But all I said was,'My lawyer shall contact you. You may leave this home, or you may not. But that man cannot stay here.'

He left in a hurry. She didn't.

I stayed over at a hotel nearby. She stayed at the house.

The next day, I went to my friend. He was a lawyer. He could help me out.


He asked for me to have a consulting session with a marriage counselor.

She had agreed apparently.
And I didn't say anything against it.


All the procedures followed.

Months later, I had my divorce.

And I watched in tears as the woman whom I had loved with all my heart walked away from me. She had broken it into tiny tiny pieces, but even then, when I saw her walking away... it made me cry again.


'Pussy' I scolded myself. I walked back to my car, ready for a new life, in a new city. 

The Runt

He walked with the older man, struggling to keep up with his long strides. 

Looking at the younger man through this spectacles, he did feel a tiny bit sorry for the runt. His tiny feet must be hurting and his lungs must feel like exploding... He was panting really hard. 

He slowed down, allowing the runt to catch up. He could feel the gratitude emanating from him, but he didn't want it. 

'So what do you want, runt?', he asked, keeping his tone rough. It was intentional and he liked it when there was distance between him and people. 

'Sir, I need a job at your firm', the runt said. Sir only laughed. The runt did not seem to be understand what the funny thing was, his face dead serious. 

'What job do you think you can do?' 
'I'm willing to take the job of managing your firm.' 

He was shocked, but it soon turned to mirth. The face of the runt did not change, his brave face standing strong under the merciless laugh of Sir. 

He stopped laughing when he understood that he wasn't joking. 

'What makes you qualified for a job that high up?'

'Nothing in particular... I'm educated and driven. I know I can do it.', he said, his face lighting up with enthusiasm. 'Also, my dad tells me all the time, "The Mind of a young man is like a block of marble. All it needs is a good sculptor to carve the statue out.' 

He looked at the runt when he said those words. He remembered a young man, who he had befriended a long time ago, in a distant land. His voice echoed in his ears when the runt said those words. 
Turning away to hide the tears in his eyes, he asked, 'Your father sounds wise. What is his name?'

'Ram' the runt replied. 

He didn't turn, lest the runt see the emotions in his face. 

His face in the dark, he told the runt, ' You join tomorrow. Ask for me and come to my office. And dress up well. You're going to be my assistant.' 

The runt seemed overjoyed, running to hug Sir. He didn't expect any reaction, but was pleasantly surprised when an arm extended around his torso. 

Extracting himself, the Runt bid bye to Sir and went on his way, wondering what had changed his mind. 

Line of Life

Hey,



It's a poem today. Do have a read, comment and share.



Scratching and writing again
He wrote upon the Holy Paper
Eyes red without sleep
Brain overclocked without food
'A Masterpiece' he claimed
Done at last with his work
Send down did he to Earth
A human, a newborn, crying, eyes closed
A comma missed, fullstop in wrong
Life went on, the boy did grow
The missing and the wrong made the life
The memories forever etched in his mind
Return to Him afteral at the end
His face flowing, the question raised
'A masterpiece you crafted',he exclaimed
'My life, the best in the world!',he cried



Sachin

P.S: What, or who, is the center of your life? The one thing or person you cannot live without?

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Smile of Life

Hey so it's a poem today... Not exactly a poem but some jumbled up words that just flew out of me... 

Guess it was the news of the deaths in my near family that made me write this. 

Anyways... Here goes. 

He smiled, his perfect teeth flashing in the light. 

His eyes showed no fear, his face no tears 

His children looked at him, the one with the beard and the ones without 

His son and his daughters and by the side, his wife

Thumping his chest he said, '90s the end, the book says so', 

The face hid the fear in his heart 

But the faces of his family made the fear, fear him 

Like a light shining in his heart 

Every choice reflecting his determination

Sachin

P.S: What do you think is the greatest fear of a parent?

 

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All I Ask

Guys a totally random poem today 

Do read and tell me how it is 

To love without boundaries is all I ask 

To love without pain is not what I ask 

To feel without consequences is all I ask 

To feel without justifications is all I ask 

To forget without regret is all I ask 

To forget without tears is all I ask 

To remember without pain is all I ask 

To remember without tears is all I ask 

Sachin 

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