Shadow

I stay in the shadows as he brings his latest conquest into the bedroom.

Unknown to him, I am invisible to most. A shadow on the massive world. Nothing but an unmoving silhouette.

I watch as he moves his body in rhythm with hers. I can figure her on her fours, him standing like a punished school boy, behind her, moving back and forth.
They are making sounds. The moaning makes me sick. The stench is ever worse.
Not to mention the sounds of body on body.

Human physiology never ceases to amaze me.

It slowly dawns on me that someday I too shall participate in such rituals of human courtship.
But not before I complete the tasks at hand. Or maybe even in between.

Of late, I’ve noticed changes in My body.
The physicality is wondrous. Hair in parts that I do not particularly like, nor the...

Breaking my thoughts, I hear him let out a loud moan. I am shaken for a minute. I see him slump over the woman. I fear, he has died.

Then I see him straighten up as the woman lies onto the bed.

They are exhausted.

The covers are drawn over their partially naked bodies.

I see him throw a used condom on the floor. It makes a wet noise as it hits the floor.

I move slightly. And then I notice a bump in my pants. I have an erection.

I do not have time to ponder this as I hear snores from him.
The woman too, seems to have fallen asleep.

I move cautiously, drawing the mask over my mouth and nose.

I tip toe, as to not make noise. And I am very careful so that I do not stamp on the condom.

I slowly reach him, snoring peacefully.

His face is calm, but beneath that calm exterior lies a cruel, cruel man.

I slowly unsheath my knife, marveling at the way it catches the light.

I plant a kiss on his forehead but before he could open his eyes, I slice his throat.

His eyes are open now. His hands are moving frantically. He is drowning in his own blood.
The noises are unbearable.
He does not recognize who I am. I thought he should.

I wipe away my kiss from his forehead.
I remove my mask, so that I am the last person he sees.

My gloved hand shows him a middle finger salute.

My precious father. I wanted something special for him.
But, maybe, he doesn’t deserve more than this.

Curious, I go over to see what the woman is doing.
I remember to put up my mask.

I can see her trembling with fear. Her eyes are darting here and there.

‘You haven’t seen anything babe. You were sleeping. And that is that.’

She nodded.

‘Oh also, you look real good.’

She looked surprised. And confused. Maybe a little angry as well? I couldn't tell.

I walked out, triumphant. Elated. Horny as well.

But that was one less evil in my life.

I had many more to go before I was free.

Maybe, this was my curse. Mine and mine only 

My Fearsome Father

Cry he doesn't, in pain

His eyes may smile, not his teeth in vain 

At the hands of the doctor his eyes may show fear

In front of me he doesn't show it, my dear 

With a cold, he shivers, clutches his shoulders 

Smile nonetheless, he does 

In the heat he walks, without an umbrella nor a cap

Makes sure I, sport an umbrella and a cap 

At the hands of a doctor he's a child 

Discipline he does, me, always like a child 

In front of others he's calm and quiet 

Yet they fear his tongues might 

Uncut and unpolished like a diamond in the rough 

Such shine, even for such a rough diamond


- Sachin 

Prove

They thought I didn't notice the whispers. And the sniggers.

I pretended to not notice. But each whisper ate into my brain. Each snigger tore into my heart. And each glance filled with hate tore into my soul. 

Yet, I continued to walk on. It's not as if I could do something to change it. I was just as helpless as them to do anything about it. 

It's just that They didn't know. 

Afterall, they did not understand who I was. Or what I am. 

I cursed myself. Never my parents. But myself. 

I had lost faith in the power above. I had long lost faith in human beings. 

But I did place faith in a few people, after all, what dork wouldn't have a few dorky friends? 

And as I walked towards the cafeteria, all I wanted to do was turn around and flick everyone off. I wanted to scream out at the top of my lungs, to prove to them that I was stronger than they thought I was. 

I wanted to prove to them that if they faced what I faced on a daily basis, they would want to kill themselves. A friend had. 

I wanted to prove, that I was just as filled with emotion as anyone else. 

I wanted to prove that just because I identified as gay, I wouldn't hit on you. And I wanted to prove that just because I was gay, I wouldn't rape your boyfriends. 

And I wanted to prove that being gay doesn't mean that you can cut me out of society. 

I wanted to prove that I was a human being, before anything else. 

The chance always eluded me. Poor, old me. Poor, old Sam. 

And now as I lie here, the blood flowing from my wrist and the pills eating me away from inside, I finally felt I didn't have anything to prove. 

Tomorrow, I wouldn't be judged. Tomorrow, I won't have anything to prove. 

Tomorrow, my parents would be beyond grief. 

Tomorrow, my friends would be crying. 

Tomorrow, he... 

Tomorrow... 

Fin. 

The Search

Years of searching had finally gotten him here. 

At the place he had begun at. 

At the place, he wished he would not end up at. 

He walked up to the door, pushing it with his hand, knowing well enough that it would be unlocked. 

But to his shock and dismay, he found it to hold steady under his force. 

A woman walking out to clear her garbage, saw him standing, pushing the door of her neighbors house. 

'Who are you?' She shouted from afar, walking closer to him. 

'I... I... I'm an old friend of hers' he replied,stammeeing, his mind just as shocked at his heart over the blatant lie.

'Aah... so you didn't hear' she said, her face dropping. 

His breath caught at his throat, his heart raced. He feared the worst and if then, he knew he could do nothing. 

'She left us a while back... left her home to her son' she said. 

A tear rolled down his cheek, followed by many more. His heart didn't give out, but he hoped it would. His mind cried out in sorrow, his mouth doing the same. His screams echoed throughout the street, the same way hers had that night he left. 

Fate had played a cruel trick on them. The Gods had taken revenge on him. 

Alone,in the world. Forever, to find himself again. 

Friend

When the heart does beat 

For one or none, it's no small feat

Hiding away myself, oh my dear

Out of nothing but for fear

Of what may be or what may not 

A night or day, my eyes bloodshot 

Far or near, the distance so clear

The pain nothing but a removable smear 

A journey in love, afar, begun in pain 

Temporary, a hope, forever, never a gain 

Hope, renewed, a star born new

A friend like you, oh, so few 

- Sachin 

Pain

To live in the world is to pain

To pain in the world is to love

To bring life into the world she pains 

From that life our heart feels pain

For sorrow and joy sees no 'morrow

The present is all it sees 

Such a fickle companion these feelings 

Seen an instant, vanishes the next 

The marks forever remain so 

Until the wave of joy washes over 

Only to resurface again 

At the hands of the ones we love, we pain again

- Sachin Nath

The Sea

The waves touch my feet
Yet the feelings touch my heart
The sand sticks to my feet
Yet the memories stick to my mind
The sounds reaches my ears
Yet the pain reaches my body
The view falls on my eyes
Yet the vision never falls from my soul

- Sachin Nath